so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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