ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
