Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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