If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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