hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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