Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize