Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
