My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
