we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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