yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
