He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
