Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
