im having a threesome with these popsicles
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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