i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.