Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up

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(847): you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up http://tfl.nu/wwvz

Replies (1) Good night (1124) Bad night (598)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.

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(403): I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go. http://tfl.nu/eq2k

Replies (38) Good night (5258) Bad night (1092)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door

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(413): Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door http://tfl.nu/oj7i

Replies (57) Good night (1506) Bad night (9671)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice

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(313): Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice http://tfl.nu/wuko

Replies (11) Good night (3288) Bad night (987)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself

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(902): She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself http://tfl.nu/gzky

Replies (8) Good night (833) Bad night (3041)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.

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(613): Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here. http://tfl.nu/o8um

Replies (8) Good night (3957) Bad night (702)
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(562): View more from California

I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service

(562): View more from California

And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.

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(562): I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service (562): And I got $4 when somebody made it rain. http://tfl.nu/btbw

Replies (4) Good night (2467) Bad night (1129)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.

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(317): Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road. http://tfl.nu/vlcv

Replies (18) Good night (3286) Bad night (587)
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(613): View more from Ontario

New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.

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(613): New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple. http://tfl.nu/c07n

Replies (12) Good night (2133) Bad night (727)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?

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(507): Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth? http://tfl.nu/1qlq

Replies (13) Good night (1665) Bad night (628)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.

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(202): I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery. (202): That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics. http://tfl.nu/1mv0

Replies (28) Good night (2972) Bad night (1079)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.

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(250): I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick. http://tfl.nu/pl6y

Replies (18) Good night (954) Bad night (1884)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.

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(724): I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober. http://tfl.nu/htfr

Replies (1) Good night (661) Bad night (291)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.

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(715): Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk. http://tfl.nu/dnee

Replies (2) Good night (273) Bad night (789)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.

(443): View more from Maryland

Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.

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(410): Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me. (443): Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life. http://tfl.nu/8aep

Replies (5) Good night (666) Bad night (354)

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