Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.

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(417): Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls. http://tfl.nu/0cx7

Replies (12) Good night (3388) Bad night (840)
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(614): View more from Ohio

So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?

(1-614): View more from Ohio

...yea

(614): View more from Ohio

She's valid.

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(614): So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence? (1-614): ...yea (614): She's valid. http://tfl.nu/5j37

Replies (3) Good night (3421) Bad night (609)
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(707): View more from California

i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.

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(707): i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either. http://tfl.nu/icf7

Replies (55) Good night (4557) Bad night (604)
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(281): View more from Texas

I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.

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(281): I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy. http://tfl.nu/ogyk

Replies (15) Good night (2852) Bad night (753)
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(905): View more from Toronto

We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.

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(905): We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth. http://tfl.nu/mgri

Replies (5) Good night (6983) Bad night (752)
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(714): View more from California

I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.

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(714): I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness. http://tfl.nu/2r5a

Replies (20) Good night (4092) Bad night (991)
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(571): View more from Virginia

I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.

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(571): I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend. http://tfl.nu/5ie3

Replies (11) Good night (2385) Bad night (1257)
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(303): View more from Colorado

She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.

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(303): She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub. http://tfl.nu/e0e1

Replies (4) Good night (3148) Bad night (962)
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(631): View more from New York

We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts

(1-631): View more from New York

Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?

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(631): We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts (1-631): Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships? http://tfl.nu/5hoq

Replies (19) Good night (2268) Bad night (1512)
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(330): View more from Ohio

He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits

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(330): He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits http://tfl.nu/kxc9

Replies (11) Good night (1726) Bad night (606)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.

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(570): And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny. http://tfl.nu/bodd

Replies (9) Good night (962) Bad night (513)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?

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(816): Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere? http://tfl.nu/bbd7

Replies (3) Good night (995) Bad night (472)
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(256): View more from Alabama

I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)

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(256): I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;) http://tfl.nu/t2s6

Replies (1) Good night (1107) Bad night (409)
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(708): View more from Illinois

So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.

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(708): So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch. http://tfl.nu/utw7

Replies (0) Good night (687) Bad night (430)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?

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(308): Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet? http://tfl.nu/pue4

Replies (1) Good night (875) Bad night (355)

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