Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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