"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage