Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.

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(214): View more from Texas

I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.

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(806): View more from Texas

When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(518): View more from New York

we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well

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(519): View more from Ontario

he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him

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(720): View more from Colorado

I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.

(303): View more from Colorado

God I adore you.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.

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(518): View more from New York

woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!

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