You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.