You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism