...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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