Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do vagina's smell?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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