i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
