That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
