therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
