Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
