i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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