my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
