Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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