nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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