the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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