i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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