Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
