im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
