Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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