Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
