Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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