that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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