Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
