im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
