Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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