my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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