If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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