i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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