Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
