I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They took my balls.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
