just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sober January is a disaster.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
