guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
