We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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