Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
