I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
