My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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