I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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