Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
