i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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