Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
