he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
