I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
