I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
