she looked like the bat from fern gully.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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