3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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