How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
