Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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