i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
