grandma shit on top of the toilet
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
