Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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