my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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