Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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