I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
