dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
