just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
