yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i need some magic done to my vagina
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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