I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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