forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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